i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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