how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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