Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
