OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
