I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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