i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Welp...herpes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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