I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
