Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
