Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize