I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
