You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
