I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
