Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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