I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
