sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
