Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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