if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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