Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
