If i come over, it means nothing
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
