I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
