I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
