Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
