I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
