shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
