I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
