He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
