Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
