Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please don't give away my fajitas
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