remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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