dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
