woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
