She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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