we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
