Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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