both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
