either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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