Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
only if we run a train.
done.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
