You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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