just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
