Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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