thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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