your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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