pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
