nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
