Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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