Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
