Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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