Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
