I feel great
I just peed on a car
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
