you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
