You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
