When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
