even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
