Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
