i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
