she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
