WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize