i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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