It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
