my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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