if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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