Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
