I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
