You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
