you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
