How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
