after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
