On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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